Dear food allergy parent,
I’d like to propose a food-allergy-edition, crisis-mode-holiday-party-mindset for your consideration this holiday season. One that highlights the Magic of this season. I’m going to let my friends at AlleRx give you the proper How-To in how to best manage these situations. My thinking here is meant to supplement that.
Straight to it then… Parent perspective. The mindset is, it’s okay for you to bring your own food to a holiday party for your kiddo instead of deftly conducting the entire food situation. My little guy has multiple food allergies. Unfortunately, it takes significantly more bandwidth for me to let others cook for him and the guidance required therein, than for me to do so myself. Yes, it is incredibly important that we make those stretches both in personal development and collective advocacy, but it might not have to be at every party, and certainly does not need to be during the holiday season.
Most of us are already stretched to capacity during this time. Haircuts and holiday outfits <Do my kids even own dress shoes?!>, cleaning and house decorating, juggling work, potentially travel including packing for your allergies, purchasing thoughtful gifts plus presentation wrapping, holiday food prep, in addition to the most important thing which is creating the holiday Magic. If you need to cook for your own kiddo in order to maintain some semblance of sanity in the midst of all of the aforementioned, especially while traveling, feel at peace with it.
Last Christmas, we traveled to Wisconsin for three family parties. Everyone truly wanted to make all the festivities safe for our son. It meant the world to us. But I did tell one of the party hosts <out of three>—somewhat directly but still with sincere gratitude—that my son would only eat food we brought for him. I asked that she avoid actually serving any of his direct allergens. I abandoned all concern related to cross-contact. We brought one dish to share per request of all cousins. During the party my husband, backbone to all my advocacy efforts, ran out and got my son Chipotle for his meal … and two of his cousins due to popular demand! The plan differed from our yuletide norm, but it was no less magical for my son as a result. Everyone and everything was still okay.
Settling like this, setting my son apart and magnifying his food exclusion, used to drown me in feelings of failure as a food allergy mom. But I might have been wrong in letting it do that. Because more than the food, it’s about the Magic. Especially for kids. THE MAGIC. Literally. Bright twinkle lights during the increasingly dark days. The beautiful excuse to go over-the-top in expressing love and generosity to others. The unavoidable and prevailing sense of gratitude from kindness received. It’s actually being present combined with a hefty dose of child-like anticipation. And even possibly, if you’re lucky enough, feeling content. It’s the comforting presence of gathering our tribes together, regardless of that which binds us—family, school, professional endeavors, youth sports, church communities—and appreciating that there is significantly more that binds us within those tribes than that which causes division.
Holiday Magic is the elusive alchemy of giving, peace, and joy in the storm that is life. The Magic is the holiday season and vise-versa. It does not have to be food. Food can help to shape it, but food in and of itself, it is not.
If the worst case scenario is realized—holidays are here, you’re maxed out, end of story—consider attending the party anyway with your crisis-mode-holiday-party-mindset. Eat before and bring your own food. It’s a party, so don’t forget dessert. Dodge the allergens and probably the grandparent kisses as well. EPIPENs in tow, embrace the lifestyle that is yours. And most importantly, create and participate in the Magic.
Warmest wishes in this holiday season.
Regards,
Melissa Hall
